Fear…

That is a word I don’t use, as I really fear nothing, not even death. Someday we are all going to die!

What leaves me fearful most right now is what my wife is doing to herself through her disease, Anorexia, she is literally trying to starve herself down to her ideal weight so she thinks. Problem is, her ideal weight in her mind is ZERO lbs. and that we all know isn’t very possible. She was OK for a while, but more recently she has moved back toward an out-of-control desire to lose weight.

At this point she pretty much skips eating all but once a day and when she gets in that one meal it isn’t enough calories to actually do her any good what so ever. For her activity and energy level she should get 1500+ but if she is lucky, she might get around 500 – 600 and this is pretty much on a daily basis. She is definitely running a huge calorie deficit at the end of each day without a doubt.

Granted the human body seems to be rather resilient thing but seriously how long will it hold itself together under such stringent levels of starvation, which sometimes includes fasting for multiple days in a row. Which thank goodness she can’t do too often because I am not traveling for work as often right now. When I travel she doesn’t eat at all unless I harp on her about it.

And then her new found workout addiction surely doesn’t help, and what sucks about that is I started it, I bought her the first gym membership she ever had. I thought I was doing a nice thing because I was working out myself, but I trained with a purpose, to be fit, and remain agile. And that is what I still do today, but hell, I am smart enough to know when my body needs a break and when it does I take it. She hasn’t a clue in those regards, she just needs to keep going.

The other thing I am fearful of is my writing, or I should say doing writing outside of work. You see having spent about 20 years writing technical crap I wanted to do something other than that, so I started my first blog, and started writing about my life on the daily which is pretty much what I am doing here at this point while I get around to writing and publishing some stories. What exactly do I fear, failing at getting anything to be sold or even read by other people. Not sure why, I have people come here to my blog and read my posts, so I know people are reading what I write.

What I need to do is get out of my head and start doing it in reality. That is part of my problem, I get into my head and can’t get out. Now granted I am taking time to learn things about writing that I am not 100% sure of so I am up on things. But, though, I think I use that as an excuse to not sit down and start the writing.

I have lots of ideas in my head, and I know I am going to get them out and I am sure they will start spilling out once I start doing it. So next step at least for me was to make sure I sat down (well stood at my standing desk) and knocked out at least one post here on the blog per day each day this week to get me going in the right direction. I have missed one day so far, but have kept at it more or less so far.

Just had to take some time to get out of my head for a bit and share.

What do you all do to help get out of your own heads and move forward?

Later,
– iWrite4Me

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