Anger…

I guess when I was in the throes of my addiction; I was an angry person, though I wouldn’t know that since I never really cared. The problem is that once you get sober, that anger you had as a drunk doesn’t go away, it lingers, mainly because you are now trying to figure out who you are without the drugs and booze which you used to mask things like feelings.

After stopping drinking, I didn’t think I had an issue with my anger, as it wasn’t all that clear to me. How could it be all that clear that nearly everything that happened made me angry in some form or another, even simple things, like the way someone else drove. Still, mainly things outside of my control just made me mad as hell most of the time if not all the time.

It took a couple of years for me to realize that I had an issue with anger. And then it took a couple more years to get control of my anger issues. It is not something that is all that easy to get under control, though you might think it should be after I recognize it.

I have fleeting moments where I remember things from while I was in the throes of my addiction where I was breaking things or punching things, and I am sure at some point I got good at patching walls as I remember times now where I put my fist through them.

Today I deal with my anger by analyzing what is causing it first and then dealing with the direct issue instead of just flipping out like I used to, and I used to flip out at the smallest thing, especially in my early years of sobriety.

It takes time and recognition that this is an issue before you can get it under control; I am not sure if this is something that is required to be done by everyone in sobriety, but for me, it was an issue. And if you have this issue, you need to work hard and fast to fix it, or it will eat you up from the insides.

Short post today, I will probably revisit this topic later.

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