Back Story…

I have been meaning to write this post for some time now but have just not had the time to get it completely done and done in a way that I wanted it done. This publication I am starting called “Sobriety Sucks” is to tell everyone following and reading about my life in sobriety and things I have gone through during the past nearly 11 years that I have been sober.

For me, sobriety started back in August 2009; one day, I just decided it was time to stop drinking. I am one of those high functioning alcoholics, so my bottom wasn’t quite what most people would see as a bottom for those with a drinking and or drug problem. Now, as part of this backstory, there is how did my issues start; that is more complicated.

My addiction issues started back when I was about 15, and started having problems with my knees, turns out they diagnosed me with degenerative joint disease and being my sport of choice was powerlifting that just compounded my pain issues. My first trip to an orthopedic doctor resulted in a script for painkillers, and it was Vicodin, I am sure.

For the next seven years, I had an issue with lots of different opioids to include Oxy. The thing about these drugs, though, as they didn’t react the same in my system as they did with others, they never made me drowsy but gave me a serious buzz. So I was always up and never had downs while using these things, because of that I found by accident mostly that adding alcohol allowed me to regulate when I got to UP, I just added alcohol until I got level again. This led to not only a problem with opioids, but also with alcohol.

So here is the kicker to all this; initially, I thought I had an issue with booze alone, and started going to AA meetings, but guess what, I stopped drinking, but I was still using so I was again on a continuous high all the time, which led to some severe insomnia issues which I still deal with to this day.

Finally, at around 22 I just decided one day that I had an issue with opioids and just like that I quit using them, don’t get me wrong this cold turkey ending of their use was no picnic, it hurt, but it was also the quickest way to get off them in my eyes. I am lucky that it didn’t kill me. I also decided at the same time that I never had an issue with alcohol. I just used it to keep me nice and level.

During the next 18 years, my drinking didn’t get any better; this is for sure. Blackouts were a thing that became more frequent as the years went on. They happened almost every time I drank on the weekends. I never drank to that kind of excess during the week. Primarily because I had to work, and since I had a professional-type job, I had to keep up appearances. High functioning alcoholics and addicts have this tendency. Still, behind the scenes, we are slowly falling apart and decaying inside; it is just a slow process as we are working to hide the fact that we are trying to keep ourselves numb from the outside world.

This brings us to me turning 40; in the years leading up to this, I had had an infatuation for bourbon, high-end ones, not just Jack Daniels and all. I had developed quite the love of high-end Vodka’s, drinking them often and without regard for how much I was drinking. The thing was, people noticed these things, and that is when, at some point, I decided I had found my bottom.

My sobriety story starts on 9 August 2009, the day after I had my last drink. It is still ongoing at nearly 11 years clean and sober now, and it has had its difficulties, and I am sure it will continue to do that as time goes by. What I intend to share here is what those difficulties were and what they continue to be as time goes by. I have learned some things about myself along the way. That alcohol covered up one of my inherent flaws, that I am a narcissistic sociopath who lacks empathy for all the ordinary people that walk this planet. Since discovering I was covering up being a sociopath with my addiction, my biggest battle has been trying to fight my human nature and to learn how to feel things!

Not sure exactly what I will write about regarding my adventures and or misadventures in sobriety, but I will do my best to make it enjoyable and exciting even if I might be a boring person now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.